Thanks(for)giving Us Wine

So I'm back in Oregon. Back from the ol' Cali-forn-i-a. Have a lot of stories to tell, but you guys probably don't want to hear all of them. So I'll keep it somewhat short-er.

Thanksgiving was really good. I got home early in the day and the rest of the family showed up around noon. What a comical day, that's all I have to say. The grandparents arrived old and grumpy, as usual. It was basically the same-old, same-old of grandma yelling at my pop and him pretending he's deaf. Can't blame the old guy. I'd do the same thing if I were him. We were finally able to entertain the old people by playing an old-fashioned game of chinese marbles. It was me and my pop on one team against my grandma and my brother. Everybody else missed out on the fun. My mom was busy spilling coffee everywhere. My sister slept through all of Thanksgiving on the couch. And my dad was in the living room on hour 2 of the 25-day "Bond-athon", which is James Bond movie marathons lasting from Thanksgiving to Christmas. But,oh, man how the marbles were fun! It was 2 hours of sheer insanity. Its difficult to put into words all that happened so I'll just say this--playing chinese marbles with old people is a bad idea. Let me tell you, once they get marbles in their possession, all hell breaks loose. Old people--especially my grandparents--have lost all their marbles, so once they get a hold on them, they go crazy. My grandma would take like 5 turns in a row until we finally yelled at her that her turn was over. Next thing we know there were marbles and dice rolling off the table, onto the ground, into the living room, up the stairs, and down the hall. Weird. Don't know much else to say about my Thanksgiving. Let's just say that, at the end of the day, 8 bottles of wine lay empty. You can fill it in from there.

Needless to say, I greatly enjoyed seeing and spending time with my family. It is good to be back, though. Its my last week of clinicals this week and my last day tomorrow. Its been good but difficult. My first day back and twenty minutes through the door we had a guy pass away. I was part of the crew that bathed the body and wrapped him up in a shroud. The weirdest part was tying the toe tag on. Nothing will ever feel more dark than placing a tag on a lifeless body. You live this whole life and soon you're reduced to a name on a tag tied onto a toe. The life you lived (whether vibrant or lacking) is incorporated into one small "dash" between two dates. Its sad to think about. But it definitely makes you appreciate a lot of things...especially life.

By the way, if you haven't seen it yet, I highly suggest going and watching "Chicken Little." Great movie. Very funny, especially the pig.

Bedpans and Blood Pressures

So I know I haven't posted in a while. Sorry. Its been an exhausting couple of weeks. I started clinicals last Monday, which means I am training at facilities to be a nurse's assistant, hence the pictures on Jeff's blog. That being so, I'm up at 4:45 every morning and out the door by 6am to start working. Its been fun, but a lot of work. Last week I was at a nursing home, which was a lot of fun, except that almost all the residents suffer from some form of mental confusion. So communication was difficult. You ask a resident how they're doing and what they want or need and you get, "Ghgabgignrngng brrrrr brrrb brrrp." Riiiiight. Although we did have this one guy that was a lot fun. When he needed something he just repeated it over...and over...and over...and over. So we would sitting in the cafeteria helping feed people and all of a sudden we hear him say, "Cuppa coffee cuppa coffee cuppa coffee cuppa coffee cuppa coffee!" I did enjoy it, though. We got to get pretty comfortable with a lot of them. Then this week we moved onto the hospital. Oh man! The joys there are at the hospital. The past few days I have changed more diapers than a mother who feeds her baby mexican food. I was up to my ears in poop today. I was giving a lady a shower and she even started pooping in the shower! And we're not talking a solid stool here. Oh, no! She had EXPLOSIVE diarrhea...all over the shower. That was a treat to clean up. I don't mind, though. The old lady was so funny. I turned around to get her a towel then turned back around and she had ripped off one of her patches that her heart monitor hooks up to and was handing it to me. I freaked out...but she was laughing. Oh my gosh, the first few days in the hospital were disasterous, though. I got a cord stuck in an old ladie's hair while taking her blood pressure. I walked into a highly contaminated room without putting protective clothing on and was completely oblivious about it. And I can't tell you how many catheters I have had to clean and how much perineal care I have had to do. I've seen more genitalia this week than Pamela Anderson has in her dating life. Yikes! With all that said and done, it has been fun and tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I fly out early in the morning and get to see my family that I haven't seen in 3 monthts. It should be fun. Expect stories. Everybody have a Happy Thanksgiving.

Evolution: Part Deux

I'm only going to do one more Twain post because I think it bores people. I find them humorous and interesting to think about. So let me pick out a good one.

"Man is the Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion--several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself, and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven. He was in at it in the time of the Caesars, he was at it in Mahomet's time, he was at it in the time of the Inquisition, he was at it in France a couple of centuries, he was at it in England in Mary's day, he has been at it ever since he first saw light, he will be at it somewhere else tomorrow....In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which the other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning. Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace; even affectionately.
Next, in another cage I confined an Irish Catholic from Tipperary, and as soon as he seemed tame I added a Scotch Presbyterian from Aberdeen. Next a Turk from Constantinople; a Greek Christian from Crete; an Armenian; a Methodist from the wilds of Arkansas; a Buddhist from China; a Brahman from Benares. Finally, a Salvation Army Colonel from Wapping. Then I stayed away for two whole days. When I came back to note results, the cage of Higher Animals was all right, but in the other, there was but a chaos of gory odds and ends of turbans and fezzes and plaids and bones and flesh--not a specimen left alive. These Reasoning Animals had disagreed on a theological detail and carried the matter to a Higher Court."

Mark Twain Disproves Evolution

So I was reading an excerpt of Mark Twain's Letters From the Earth titled "The Damned Human Race." I think every person should read it. Its interesting and funny and will make you feel like an idiot because you are a human. It was one of his later works after the deaths of his wife and daughter, so Twain is very blunt and pessimistic...my kind of person.

He studied animals and, basically, found to disprove evolution and contends that animals are actually smarter than humans and that, in no way, did we ascend from them, but most likely descended. So, I'm going to share some quotes with you over the next few days. We'll call this "Part One of Stacey's Disevolution Class":

"In the course of my reading I had come across a case where, many years ago, some hunters on our Great Plains organized a buffalo hunt for the entertainment of an English earl--that, and to provide some fresh meat for his larder. They had charming sport. They killed seventy-two of those great animals; and ate part of one of them and left the seventy-one to rot. In order to determine the difference between an anaconda and an earl--if any--I caused seven young calves to be turned into the anaconda's cage. The grateful reptile immediately crushed one of them and swallowed it, then lay back satisfied. It showed no further interest in the calves, and no disposition to harm them. I tried this experiment with other anacondas; always with the same result. The fact stood proven that the difference between an earl and an anaconda is that the earl is cruel and the anaconda isn't; and that the earl wantonly destroys what he has no use for, but the anaconda doesn't. This seemed to suggest that the anaconda was not descended from the earl. It also seemed to suggest that the earl was descended from the anaconda, and had lost a good deal in the transition."

Interesting, huh? Stay tuned for more.

The Moment You've All Been Waiting For...

So I know that everybody has been anxiously awaiting for months...and the time has finally arrived. I just got my first pictures of Walter, along with an update. He is still mating. They just wrapped up the "baby making" and are now facing the 40-day period of incubating the eggs before they hatch. Then, in 40 days...my little Walter will be a father. Here are the pictures below. The first one is a picture of his nest...not what you expected, is it? He lives in Chile. The second one is a picture of some of his friends and the Magdalena Island with the lighthouse in the far distance. This is where their nests are located. And finally, the third one is of my pride and joy. There's Walter, the stud himself. Isn't he cute? Mama's so proud of him.

And Now...For My Next Trick

I knew it! I knew I was getting Punk'd! So funny that an anonymi just said that because that was what I was just thinking. Where's Ashton? Any second now he's going to come out here and yell at me and flail his fists around and then I'll go "Ohhh, Ashton! You got me! You got me good! I got Punk'd!"

So today we have something good in store for you. Everybody pick up a stone and now we're all going to publicly stone Stacey, just like that whore that was to be stoned in the book of John. The only difference between me and the whore is that she's dead now...but not by stoning. Man, that would be a sucky way to go.

The moral of the story that I have come to realize folks is that being nice doesn't work well for me. Screw nice. I tried to be nice and I just got called an ass for it. So I have decided to go back to being sarcastic. That way, I figure, if I am going to be called an ass its going to be rightly so. Not only that, but I was tired of being so serious. English is like a second language to me. I speak more fluently in my native tongue...sarcasm. Now that that's aside, I will gladly admit to being stupid and an asshole...but I still won't admit to being overly sensitive...that's just an insult.

...I'm still waiting for my award for most ridiculous...a ribbon or certificate will do...with a donkey on it. (If you don't get it then think about it for a second...it'll come to you.)

To All The Anonymi Out There That I've Been Arguing With

Anonymous #1, #2, and every other anonymous out there:

Call me naive, I just don't understand you. You think you know me. I have no problem with you commenting on my blog. But if you are going to judge me and accuse me (and my boyfriend) of things, then I think you should at least get your information accurate. And,I think I should at least be able to defend myself. Otherwise, I'm not the naive one.

From your post I can't decide if you're actually 20 years old right now or if you have been. If you're 20 years old, then take it from a 22 year old that I think I know what I'm doing. If you're older, then why are you pre-judging me knowing nothing about me. I'll help you put my life into a little more context so that you can see how you were wrong in assuming...

I'm 22. This is my fourth year of college. The first 3 years of my education were spent at Sacramento State University. After 3 years, I had finally taken every class and prerequisite I needed to take to apply for the nursing program. So I applied for this fall. Anybody that knows anything about education these days knows that getting into a nursing program is more difficult than getting into med school right now. Needless to say, I didn't get in. The program only offers 62 slots...around 300 people applied. I was number 180 on the wait list. Every person I talked to in Sacramento that is trying to get into the program has been waiting for years. One girl I knew that got all "A's" and had a high GPA waited for 5 years before she finally got in.

So my boyfriend moved back to Oregon. I didn't follow him. A year ago I had already looked into the nursing program out here and considered it. I was the one that actually suggested he move to Oregon. His moving so only accounted for maybe 10% of my wanting to move. The other 90%? Well, this little Community College out here that IS accredited happens to offer one of the best nursing programs. Let me list all of the other aspects about this college that make it more beneficial than Sac State:

-they offer a Nurse's Assitant class, which I am currently taking. After I complete this class I can start working in a hospital as a Nurse's Assistant. Its not a nurse, but its also not working at a fast food place. Its going towards what I want to be doing. And, if I dont get into the nursing program, I can still be making good money in a job I want to do and working toward what I want to be doing.

-the chances of me getting into the nursing program are much better. The college here goes by different standards than Sac State does. At Sac State, if you don't have AT LEAST a 3.7 GPA, your application is not even considered.

-the counselors at Sac State couldn't tell me jack piss about what I needed to be doing to get into the program. Everytime I walked in they handed me a card and told me to attend a meeting. I attended the meeting...3 times. Each time the same thing...nobody helped me understand. They just kept thrusting papers and websites in my face that offered no help. Here, I just had an appointment with the nursing advisor who is actually on the committee for the nursing program. She told me the ins and outs of exactly everything I need to be doing. She helped me plan out the rest of my classes for the whole year! She even gave me an application for financial aid and encouraged me to apply. Based on what she is telling me, I have a pretty good chance of getting into the nursing program.

-I actually can get financial aid here. I couldn't get it in california because my family isn't "poor enough". It doesn't matter here because not too many people apply for financial aid. So at that point, it goes to whoever wants it.

-UCC has one of the best nursing programs around. I'm not saying this just to prove myself right. I'm saying this becaues my mom has researched it and loves it. Something which was difficult for her to say because she didnt want me moving here. She's happy with my decision now. She realizes that things are working out better here in 2 months so far than in 3 years in Sacramento.

The best part about this college...its not california. Ask anybody that knows me...I HATED CALIFORNIA! I was itching and dying to get out of there and waiting for an opportunity to arise to do so. I wanted to get out of california before I got into a nursing program there because then I would be stuck there for at least 3 more years. Something that I cannot aford to do because cost of living is almost 3 times more there than it is here. And what happened? An opportunity arose and I took it. And it was the best decision I've ever made.

Finally, and most importantly, my boyfriend has never dragged me anywhere. I have NEVER gone anywhere that I have never wanted to go for him. And he knows that because I have told him time and again that my education is one of the most important things to me. I can't give it up. I won't give it up for him. The decision to move was because it actually benefited my education. And don't be fooled by the whole "community college vs. university" attitude. The education at a university is no better than the education at a community college. My mom graduated from community college and received her RN degree. If you think I've become less of a person because I switched from a university to a community than, honestly, you're stupid. I say that in all sincerity, without trying to be mean. But come on. Really?

And another thing, my boyfriend or his parents NEVER encouraged me to work at the tavern that told me to dress like a whore. I don't even know where you got that idea. I went in on my OWN looking for a bartending job and they handed me the application and told me to dress slutty and i said "No, thank you." And when I told this to my boyfriend and his parents they were shocked and made sure that I wasn't actually going to apply. So would you quit taking shots at them, especially my boyfriend. I have always supported him in his choices and where he wants to take his music. I admire him more than anybody else for believing in himself and chasing after his dream. I could never do it. We're different like that. He has that kind of passion and the desire to do it, I don't. I rely on my education. And I love him for it. To say he's draggin me places is ridiculous. Obviously, you don't know love. Love is sacrifice. Love is taking chances. If I weren't with Jeff, I would have never moved to Oregon. If that never happened I would probably still be stuck in a place that I hate, working at a job that I hate, just sitting and waiting for years to get into a nursing program. I'm out here and for the first time, I feel like its within my reach. Like I'm actually out getting done what needs to be done and moving towards my career. I really wish you could understand so that you wouldn't make these accusations. Because if you understood (and if you knew me) you would be so happy for me and be proud of where I've brought myself. But I guess you don't understand and you don't know me...so that sucks. I hope I cleared things up a little. Most of all, I hope you were able to read this all and not get bored and give up. If you're still confused, ask away...my life is an open book from here on out.