Are We There Yet?

So I've kind of stayed away from this thing in a while. I haven't had too much on my mind to talk about lately, just been going with the flow of life and all its tidal waves it has to offer.

What have I been doing all week, you ask?

Well...Wednesday, I taught Jeff a new trick. We were sitting in my car waiting for our golf class to start (that's right) and i found a bag of Wheat Thins. So I started eating them and then I stuck one on Jeff's nose and said, "Wait for it! Wait for it! Wait...(he has an anticipated look in his eyes)....wait...okay...GO!" At which point he would snap his head and catch the Wheat Thin in his mouth. The things I train my boyfriend to do.

Other than that I have mostly been working, studying, avoiding people, and thinking a lot.

Have you ever been feeling God just pulling at your heart and calling you towards something but you cant quite figure out what it is? I know you're thinking, "Duh, Stacey, what follower hasn't!" But man, it can really frustrate you to no end. I mean, my heart is just weighing. God has for some reason given me this burning passion to do something right now and I sit here and have no clue what it is. All I can piece together is that: I'm sitting here with love on my heart, I have $50 in my tithing jar that's patiently waiting to be used wherever it is led to, i just read this article posted on j. ashdown's blog about this guy who gave money away on wall st, and the thought on my mind of loving the ones that our society deems "unloveable" (homeless, drug addicts, the lame, the lost, the outcasts).

I hate the feeling right before you know something big is going to happen in your life. The feeling of God preparing you for something...but he's not going to reveal it to you yet and you just have to be patient. He's going to bring something or someone into your path that will blow you away and you have no clue what it is. It's exciting, but its very frustrating because my heart is like "Let's go already! I wanna go! Let's go!" (Like an anxious 5-year old on the way to Disneyland) But at the same time your feet are like, "Loved to, but we can't...I have no clue where I'm supposed to be going. I have to get directions." So here I sit...waiting for directions, but I gotta say...the 5-year old is getting really anxious.

Bed-pans and Broomsticks

And I'm back...with the same enthusiasm that you are used to the good ol' stacey having.

So I spent the weekend at camp. Jeff was leading worship at a camp this weekend and Heather and I decided to trek along. Man, oh man! We had no idea what we were in for. It was a bowl of laughs folks...and an occasional tear.

The drive to camp was beautiful. It was a highway through the backroads of the mountains. Along the way we saw these old, beat-up, houses that were just absolutely breathtaking. We came to the conclusion that there is so much beauty to be found in the ugliness. We drove through several small towns and came to this one called "Frogtown" where apparently we are supposed to "Schedule your next event here." (Or so the signs every 4 feet told us). Driving through Frogtown was a sign that read "You are now entering a kindness area." What Frogtown didnt know is that, when people drive slow and we're in a hurry, Heather and I are not the kindest people in the world. We drove through what we assumed was the village part and passed the bronze statue of the frog. A few cops passed us...we drove faster cause we figured they were after us for not being kind.

The funny thing about driving to camp is that (because we came and went several times) we adopted our own landmarks. We would be driving back to camp and it went something like this, "Hey, there's the dead possum, which means we're about 3 miles from camp. And there's the dead cat, which means our turn is up here. And, hey! A dead deer! That one's new!."

So we finally got to camp. We stayed in the infirmary...which is always a dangerous thing to do when you have 2 bored girls that love to explore drawers and have nothing better to do....lucky for them the drawers and cabinets were locked. But we did find bed-pans...hehehe. Because they got smart and locked the cabinets we decided to explore outside. We played a game of tetherball that lasted for almost an hour because the top of the pole is not welded down, so the ball kept swinging and swinging and swinging (and swinging)...and not once would it wrap around the darn pole.

For not having anything to do, we sure made a lot of fun. We pulled pranks on the guys...this is where the bed-pans came in. We ate chips...a lot. We studied...no, no we really never got around to that. We sat in the "friendship circle" hoping to make a few friends and nobody would come and sit with us. Then we would leave and another guy would sit down and everybody would flock to him to make friends. We kept ourselves entertained. Heather and I got to talk a lot just about what's been going on with both of us...it was fun. The boys did an amazing job with worship and staying away from us. It was a fun weekend. However, heather and I had to leave at 6 in the morning so i could be back for work at 9:30. I was so tired at work I kept tripping and stumbling over myself. At one point, I slipped on guacamole and slammed into a wall.

Which brings us to Valentine's Day. You'd think I'd be excited because its my first time I actually get to spend it with someone I love, but I'm kind of bummed. I get to spend the day studying for 3 exams this week. Jeff's still at camp and wont be back into town until 3p...at which point I will be back in class. Straight from class I go to work to serve other couples in love (who dont have to work) on our busiest day of the year. Which means, I dont get off work until around 11 or 12 night. So I, on this "Day O'Love" get to spend Valentine's with everybody BUT my boyfriend...great. I'm just waiting for 11pm to roll by so I can hug the man I love. Everybody else...have a great day. I hope you all get lots of candy grams and spiderman valentine's!

It Wouldn't Be Life if it Was Easy

So it has been an amazingly awful week....I say awful because my heart has just been hurting all week for many a reasons...yet amazing because through the pain of it all, i can still feel how God is growing me. And along the way, God has provided humorous times to lighten my days. For example, Jeff and I were at Wal-Mart and he nearly got backed over by this lady on a scooter. Then last night at work (the worst of all nights) I'm serving these four guys that order dessert and i ask this one guy in particular what he wants and he says, "I'll have an order of Stacey." I laughed and told him i wasn't on the menu. (What he didnt know was that my boyfriend was sitting at the table across from him...awkward.)

Anyway, a lot of things have just kind of been weighing me down lately...mostly its just been things that are catching up to me, whether it be my past or my state of emotion. My heart is pulling in two opposite directions. A huge part of me wants to be angry and spiteful and bitter towards what/who has been hurting me. The other part wants me to love. Two months ago I would have chosen the former...but its safe to say I'm not who I was two months ago. I told you its been a disheartening week...it has. But, looking at things, its been a great week. Yes, its been a battle... yes, I got news that broke my heart and partially offended me deeply...yes, I felt abandoned...yes, I felt disappointing to people... yes, I had horrible nights of work...yes, i cried...a lot...yes, i almost lost my boyfriend in some freak scooter accident at Wal-mart. But here's the thing...I'm not angry. God has been growing me a lot lately--changing the attitude of my heart--and this week has shown me that more than anything. As I sit here and think about things, for the first time in a long time I am feeling joy again. I guess you can say I havent "felt" God in a long time (almost a year now), and suddenly He is back in my life with a more profound feeling than I've ever had before. Life is tough, but God is so good. The road is bumpy, but there is always joy to be had in Him. There is happiness in growing and changing.

This is a really random post and probably leaving people confused...sorry about that. I'm trying to get my mind back on track and instead its going in several different directions. With all this to say, I will say this...I feel abandoned and alone, but I have never felt happier and never had such joy as I am going through now. Because I am finally realizing that joy is not provided from other people, it is provided through love from God.

Well, I promise to get my mind back on track and hopefully be back with a less confusing, more entertaining post in a few days.