It Wouldn't Be Life if it Was Easy

So it has been an amazingly awful week....I say awful because my heart has just been hurting all week for many a reasons...yet amazing because through the pain of it all, i can still feel how God is growing me. And along the way, God has provided humorous times to lighten my days. For example, Jeff and I were at Wal-Mart and he nearly got backed over by this lady on a scooter. Then last night at work (the worst of all nights) I'm serving these four guys that order dessert and i ask this one guy in particular what he wants and he says, "I'll have an order of Stacey." I laughed and told him i wasn't on the menu. (What he didnt know was that my boyfriend was sitting at the table across from him...awkward.)

Anyway, a lot of things have just kind of been weighing me down lately...mostly its just been things that are catching up to me, whether it be my past or my state of emotion. My heart is pulling in two opposite directions. A huge part of me wants to be angry and spiteful and bitter towards what/who has been hurting me. The other part wants me to love. Two months ago I would have chosen the former...but its safe to say I'm not who I was two months ago. I told you its been a disheartening week...it has. But, looking at things, its been a great week. Yes, its been a battle... yes, I got news that broke my heart and partially offended me deeply...yes, I felt abandoned...yes, I felt disappointing to people... yes, I had horrible nights of work...yes, i cried...a lot...yes, i almost lost my boyfriend in some freak scooter accident at Wal-mart. But here's the thing...I'm not angry. God has been growing me a lot lately--changing the attitude of my heart--and this week has shown me that more than anything. As I sit here and think about things, for the first time in a long time I am feeling joy again. I guess you can say I havent "felt" God in a long time (almost a year now), and suddenly He is back in my life with a more profound feeling than I've ever had before. Life is tough, but God is so good. The road is bumpy, but there is always joy to be had in Him. There is happiness in growing and changing.

This is a really random post and probably leaving people confused...sorry about that. I'm trying to get my mind back on track and instead its going in several different directions. With all this to say, I will say this...I feel abandoned and alone, but I have never felt happier and never had such joy as I am going through now. Because I am finally realizing that joy is not provided from other people, it is provided through love from God.

Well, I promise to get my mind back on track and hopefully be back with a less confusing, more entertaining post in a few days.