Hilary Faye

So I woke up today and checked my email. I got an email from Governor Ahnald. I got all excited at first, for a second I thought he was sending out a mass email saying he was making a sequel to "Kindergarden Cop". It actually turned out that he just wanted me to vote for the budget reform. My hopes were shattered, so I continue to wait for the sequel. Been a chill day since then. Went for a run, then came back and just been relaxing since. I snuggled up under some warm laundry brewed freshly from the dryer and grabbed my book to read.

So I'm reading this book called "Blue Like Jazz" written by Donald Miller. Amazing book. Amazing writer. The guy has a talent for getting into your head and expressing every thought I've been feeling that I cant put into words. So its really refreshing to be reading something that relates to everything I've been feeling lately. The chapter I'm currently reading is entitled "Change: New Starts at Ancient Faith." The author makes the point that in every believer's life there comes a time when they decide they will either follow Him deeply or lag away and become stagnant. He gives the example of Paul who made the decision the second he met Christ. Whereas Peter endured years of half-hearted commitment before taking the leap to follow fully, with all his heart. He talks about in his life how he was the leader of a college group and everything was great. He was leading bible studies, he was popular, everybody looked up to him. Then one day he realizes that he has become somebody that he doesn't know. He's become fake. Superficial. His faith became a system of jumping through hoops...ritualistic. His words were empty, unmeaningful, and shallow. So he met with his pastor and told him he was leaving because he had to go on a journey.

So for the past year and a half this has been me. Something made me come to the point where I realized that jumping through hoops was not the way to have a relationship with Christ. The cliche phrases, the sunday school answers...yeah those werent working for me anymore and i started hating myself for quoting them all the time. I was Hilary Faye from "Saved" (though I dont recall ever throwing a Bible at somebody). As Donald Miller realized, "I have become an informercial for God, and I dont even use the product. I dont want to be who I am anymore." I guess the point I'm getting at is that today for the first time I have realized that I am on a spiritual journey. A year and a half ago I left the old me behind and ventured on discovering a new me. Let me rephrase that. A year and a half ago I left behind my version of "God in a box" and have ventured out to discover the immensity that is God. To discover the real God, not the Sunday School version I thought he was. The God that is beyond my understanding, not the version I thought I knew by saying the right things and seeing everything in black and white.

Anyways, I dont know why I blogged about it. I just got really excited about it. I'm on a spiritual journey. Sometimes I get impatient that the process takes so long but i like that it does. Its gonna take the rest of my life.

Mostly I wanted to brag that I got an email from Ahnald, I get excited about that too. If they would only make a sequel...