And the Rooster Crows
So I was reading the story about Peter's denial today from John 18: 15-18, 25-27. It has to be one of the most common passages of the Bible. It's always being taught in sunday school and preached in sermons. It's where Christianity gets its hypocrisy. Where a man of God claims to love Christ and then turns his back on him to save his own reputation. Personally, I hate this passage. Not because Peter denied Christ or lost faith. Not because it makes Christ followers look bad. I hate this passage because I identify with it so well. I hate this passage because I see so much of myself in it. I hate this passage because I am so much like Peter...
There is no doubt in my mind that Peter loved God, was a man of God, and desired to follow God with all his heart. But Peter held back. He tells Christ that he loves Him so much he would lay down his life for Him (13: 37) Christ's simple reply to that was, "Will you really lay down your life for me?" Really Peter? Are you ready to make that kind of commitment...where is your heart when you are saying that? Because as much as Peter professed to love Christ, he was a fake. And as much as I profess the same, I lie.
I claim to love God. I claim to have faith--to seek His will, to glorify Him in all I do. So often I pray, "Oh, I will trust in you, Lord. I will follow you through thick and thin...when the going gets tough, the tough get going." These were empty words, merely lip service to God because I (for some reason) thought that this was what He wanted to hear. Because I think that by saying/praying these "beautiful" things, I am somehow earning "Jesus points." When in reality, my words say one thing and my heart and my actions say another...much like Peter.
Peter he flaunted his love for Christ. He flaunted his humility. He was always trying to prove himself fully devoted. He must have been good at it, because I think he even started to fool himself. But there was one person he could not fool...Christ. Christ saw right through Peter. Because he knew the second that things got tough, Peter was going to experience brokenness. And he did. The second that it became dangerous to follow Christ, Peter denies. The second that his faith and his devotion is put to the test, Peter denies...he lags behind. Sure, he follows Christ to the courthouse, but he follows from a "safe" distance so that no one will figure out that he's a disciple.
He's sitting outside the courthouse, waiting. A maid approaches him, "Hey, weren't you a follower of this Christ fellow?" Peter replies, "No...no, I dont know what you're talking about."
He's standing with a group of men by a fire, warming up. Again he is asked, "Weren't you one of those disciples?" Peter replies, "Me? Nah..no." Another insists, "Yeah, I saw you hanging with this Christ guy in the olive grove." Again, Peter denies, "Nah, you're mistaken. You must have me confused with some other guy. I just got one of those faces."...A rooster crows.
Peter claimed he loved God, "I'll follow you anywhere, Lord...I'll lay down my life for you, Lord...I love you, Lord." But the second that he is put to the test, he fails. The second he is put into question, he denies. Because he'd much rather keep his reputation. He'd much rather stay in the warmth of the fire. He'd much rather follow from a "safe" distance than face persecution or be on the front line. Because the second it becomes inconvenient to follow Christ, all his words he said before mean nothing. Sounds familiar....
I profess I love Christ. I shout it from the rooftops when it is convenient for me. When I want something from God. When I want to impress or try to prove that I am Christ-like. But the second it becomes an inconvenience to me, I deny Him. I dont want to accept Christ at an inconvenience because I dont want to face the sacrifices. Like Peter, I want to stay by the warm fire, surrounded by the security of my friends. I dont want to booted out to be left cold and alone. And the second somebody asks, "Are you a christian?"...panic. What will they think of me? Will I lose my reputation? Will I be "uncool" for professing Christ now....A rooster crows, and my heart sinks, and I know I've done it again, and Peter knew it too.
He'd like to believe he was as strong as he fooled everybody to think, but he knew his words were lies...lip service. Just like I know my heart does not match what I claim to believe. I only love God when it is convenient for me. I keep Him in his little "God box" and take Him out when I need Him. And when I'm done with Him, I put Him back in his box and I go about my life. Because, for some reason, I think the world revolves around me. Because, for some reason, I think my relationship with Christ revolves around my wants and desires. Because, for some reason, I cant get past my selfishness. Because I, like Peter, have a problem with walking the talk.
There is no doubt in my mind that Peter loved God, was a man of God, and desired to follow God with all his heart. But Peter held back. He tells Christ that he loves Him so much he would lay down his life for Him (13: 37) Christ's simple reply to that was, "Will you really lay down your life for me?" Really Peter? Are you ready to make that kind of commitment...where is your heart when you are saying that? Because as much as Peter professed to love Christ, he was a fake. And as much as I profess the same, I lie.
I claim to love God. I claim to have faith--to seek His will, to glorify Him in all I do. So often I pray, "Oh, I will trust in you, Lord. I will follow you through thick and thin...when the going gets tough, the tough get going." These were empty words, merely lip service to God because I (for some reason) thought that this was what He wanted to hear. Because I think that by saying/praying these "beautiful" things, I am somehow earning "Jesus points." When in reality, my words say one thing and my heart and my actions say another...much like Peter.
Peter he flaunted his love for Christ. He flaunted his humility. He was always trying to prove himself fully devoted. He must have been good at it, because I think he even started to fool himself. But there was one person he could not fool...Christ. Christ saw right through Peter. Because he knew the second that things got tough, Peter was going to experience brokenness. And he did. The second that it became dangerous to follow Christ, Peter denies. The second that his faith and his devotion is put to the test, Peter denies...he lags behind. Sure, he follows Christ to the courthouse, but he follows from a "safe" distance so that no one will figure out that he's a disciple.
He's sitting outside the courthouse, waiting. A maid approaches him, "Hey, weren't you a follower of this Christ fellow?" Peter replies, "No...no, I dont know what you're talking about."
He's standing with a group of men by a fire, warming up. Again he is asked, "Weren't you one of those disciples?" Peter replies, "Me? Nah..no." Another insists, "Yeah, I saw you hanging with this Christ guy in the olive grove." Again, Peter denies, "Nah, you're mistaken. You must have me confused with some other guy. I just got one of those faces."...A rooster crows.
Peter claimed he loved God, "I'll follow you anywhere, Lord...I'll lay down my life for you, Lord...I love you, Lord." But the second that he is put to the test, he fails. The second he is put into question, he denies. Because he'd much rather keep his reputation. He'd much rather stay in the warmth of the fire. He'd much rather follow from a "safe" distance than face persecution or be on the front line. Because the second it becomes inconvenient to follow Christ, all his words he said before mean nothing. Sounds familiar....
I profess I love Christ. I shout it from the rooftops when it is convenient for me. When I want something from God. When I want to impress or try to prove that I am Christ-like. But the second it becomes an inconvenience to me, I deny Him. I dont want to accept Christ at an inconvenience because I dont want to face the sacrifices. Like Peter, I want to stay by the warm fire, surrounded by the security of my friends. I dont want to booted out to be left cold and alone. And the second somebody asks, "Are you a christian?"...panic. What will they think of me? Will I lose my reputation? Will I be "uncool" for professing Christ now....A rooster crows, and my heart sinks, and I know I've done it again, and Peter knew it too.
He'd like to believe he was as strong as he fooled everybody to think, but he knew his words were lies...lip service. Just like I know my heart does not match what I claim to believe. I only love God when it is convenient for me. I keep Him in his little "God box" and take Him out when I need Him. And when I'm done with Him, I put Him back in his box and I go about my life. Because, for some reason, I think the world revolves around me. Because, for some reason, I think my relationship with Christ revolves around my wants and desires. Because, for some reason, I cant get past my selfishness. Because I, like Peter, have a problem with walking the talk.
posted by stacey at 9:16 PM
4 Comments:
Hey, friend, I miss you! And - in hopes of getting some more feedback (hint, hint) ;) and to make your life easier, I'll be posting all my xanga entries on Blogger as well. Talk to me, baby!
Heck, you certainly SOUND like a christian, with all that guilt oozing from the screen :-) Relax, take a breather. If you're afraid to tell something so personal, are they really your friends in the first place?
For homework, you will now ponder the unlimited goodness of your Deity of choice, you will contemplate the unbearable lightness of being, and you will see that both are perfectly compatible.
You're talking waffles dude. I dont understand what you just said.
OK, I don't know if you care at all, but there are a few points I wish to react to. Unfortunately, my reactions will sound cliche and you will have heard them before. That is, of course, because there's much truth in them, but I realize that's not necessarily helping you.
- Your (apparent) opinion of Peter. My knowledge of the Bible is a bit rusty, but if I'm not mistaken, Jezus has said before to Peter: "you are the rock on which I will build my church". Assuming Jezus is a pretty good judge of character, I'd say that counts for something. So I think what the scene about Peter's denial is telling us that even the strongest rock can falter... and be forgiven, and trusted, and loved, etc. etc.
- Your (apparent) opinion of yourself. Self-chastizing is not going to help. Chasing your tail does not get you any further. Oh, everybody does it at some point. I can actually feel it coming, usually. When I know the next week is going to be a downer, I'll cut communication lines, cancel as much of my engagements as politely possibly, and spend the evenings skulking in my appartment, basking in misery and self-loathing. After a week of being cut off from the rest of the world, I crawl out of my hole again, talk to friends, and discover -- hey, I'm not alone on this world! Cool! I don't know if that kind of behavior would work for you, but maybe it's worth a try?
- About "the unbearable lightness of being", it's a reference to a novel by Milan Kundera. I've never finished the book, but the message ringed very true to me. The author's theory is that people create a lot of problems for themselves, because they choose to value things that are ultimately unimportant. Since I've read that book, whenever I feel unhappy about something, I try to figure out how important it really is to me. Usually, that alone lifts my spirit considerably :)
Of course, I wouldn't dream of calling it a trivial matter when you question your faith. Rather, I think you should ask yourself what exactly is the most important aspect of faith. Is it the amount of time you spend on rituals, or is it the belief that there's someone to care for you, someone who also happens to have created the world? Experiencing faith is a highly personal business. For me, faith would be about what I do when I'm alone in my room. For some, faith is what you experience if you gather in a community and share the comfort of rituals, exchanging views, etc. No one way is better than the other, it seems to me. If your way is evolving from one to another, how much does that unsettle you?
Anyway. This has gotten far longer than I had planned. I hope I didn't sound cross with my first comment, I certainly didn't mean it that way.
PS: "talking waffles"? is that an expression? :) Never heard it. But then, English is not my native language.
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