My Grandma Could Kick Your Grandma's Ass...With or Without Legs

So I just got off the phone with my grandma a few minutes ago and I havent talked to the woman in maybe a month now. She's seriously the raddest grandma anybody could ever have. She's become an instant celebrity among my friends. I tell stories about her all the time and they all want to meet her to see how funny and entertaining she is (mostly because she's crazy...no really...she is). Don't believe me...well let me just give you a taste of grandma...you're gonna love it.

I remember this one time. It was right after we had just moved into our new house (my parent's house). Us kids had ventured outside to discover the swimming pool in our backyard...it was huge. We're not talking about some do-boy (...doughboy...doe-boy...???...i give up) rinkity dinkity pool, no this is a huge pool, with a shallow and a deep end and diving board and all.

So we're going crazy swimming, running around, jumping, diving, doing flips off the diving board...being kids. And all the while grandma is kicking it in a lounge chair watching us. All of a sudden, grandma decides she wants to get in the pool and have fun with the kids. So we rope grandma with an inner tube and throw her in the pool...one thing i forgot to mention--GRANDMA HAS NO LEGS! As soon as we throw her in the pool she bobs up and down like a buoy for about 10 seconds, and then...oh dear God...grandma starts to capsize. Before we knew what happened, grandma was flipped over in the inner tube submerged under water. And all we saw was the nubbens flailing through the air kicking frantically and air bubbles all around. So my brother had to play superhero and dive in after grandma and flip the inner tube back over...returning grandma to her stored and upright position.

Then there was Thanksgiving a couple of years ago. I had actually brought one of my friends home with me because she had heard about the infamous grandma and was anxious to meet her. Since it was a holiday, grandma figured she would dress up and put on her nice pair of legs because the shoes matched her cute outfit.

We had just gotten done eating when my sister tripped over her leg as she was walking past her to go upstairs. Grandma kept eating cause she didnt feel a thing...its a fake leg. Nobody had really noticed anything until, all of a sudden, my sister shouts out "Oh my God!!! I broke grandma!" and starts swinging her leg above the dinner table (mind you, its still connected to grandma who is still eating without a clue at this point). Now i know grandma has no legs, but when you're looking at somebody and then you see their kneecap right by their face...something tells you thats not right. No need to worry, we were able to reconnect grandma and get her looking back to normal.

These are just a few stories about grandma. (You know you're intrigued). She's just a bag full of laughs and fun. I remember when we were kids we used to always hide her legs and make her find them. Or we would stick pins and needles in her legs while she was sitting on the front porch and ask her with every one "Does it hurt yet?". Or we'd sit in her lap and she would lift herself off the ground with her arms and swing back and forth...shut up, this was obviously done when i was a bit smaller.

Now i know what you're thinking..."you're so mean"...but grandma loved it, because she knew we did it out of love. And she knows we tell the stories out of love. Because if you know me, you know that i cant stop telling stories about her...she's the highlight of our family. And I love her to death.